Random dribblings of a minimum-wage pizza drone, part 1.

Today D posed the question of what it would be like to wake up as a parasite.

I didn't know exactly how to respond to this, because it completely caught me off guard. I was chopping tomatoes, slicing them in half and then slamming them through a sharp metal grid, when he asked me. I just responded with, "I dunno, It'd be kind of weird. Probably." and went quickly back to my trance of chopping.

I didn't want to consider this. Especcially not after having a dream about a worm that oozed disgusting yellowish opaque goo from it's mouth and asshole. It lived in my room, and the horrible shit-smell of it drove all my friends away from me. I wanted to kill that worm. All it did was flop around in this hammock bed-thing and sing showtunes in a horrible, nasal voice. And ooze. And stink. Somehow I wasn't allowed kill it though, instead I was forced to accomidate it amiably, and bend to it's every will. This infuriated and frustrated me to no end.

That dream has nothing to do with my job however, unless you consider the fact that a disturbingly large portion of the customers I deal with on a daily basis are very similar to the worm: pointless, disgusting, infuriating, and I have to be nice to them.

In this journal, where I keep the rest of my vile typings, I will also attempt to document my life in retail hell, as it happens. I will discuss the woman with the porno fingernails who pulled a wad of chewed-up gum off of a hot sauce bottle she (for whatever reason) kept in her purse with her teeth, people who order pizza with three servings of ground beef on it and nothing else, the guy who wanted exactly 5 slices of pepperoni on his pizza, and the lecherous, rheumy eyed old black man who blatantly stares at my tits for a good five minutes everytime he comes in.

Also to be cronicled: "Parades of Obesity: Fat Fucks With No Personal Hygiene." "Salmonella Panic in the Midwest." "What to Do in Case Nobody Cares." and the ambiguous "Sleep Sandwich."

Stay tuned, children.